koi's Journal

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l'oiseau

i just feel permanently exhausted. it might be because i pulled an all nighter today (meaning i stayed up until 7 am today), then slept for like 4 hours, woke up for an hour and went back to sleep. basically most of the day was wasted on sleeping and i am still feeling pretty tired. the only legit thing i did today was meet up with luna, which i am glad for, because this meeting was long overdue, we just kept putting it off for various reasons. i want to be productive, for example, yesterday at around 2 am i had this sudden urge to learn french, but my brain was too tired for that, and now i feel roughly the same. i just think my brain will not be able to process new stuff at the moment, meaning i cannot read either, so i am kind of stuck here - what do i do? watch youtube? sleep? browse instagram/twitter? i have no clue. i might read some more waitbutwhy posts, it's a super great blog. i originally found it through a ted talk that the author of the blog did on procrastination. i wish i could change myself, or at least do things in a more effective way, because right now i just have random sparks of energy that quickly die off. a few days ago i talked with my best mate about reaching out to people that you have lost (or never even had in the first place) contact with. so the dilemma is this - i want to hang out with a certain person because i think they are great, but i am too afraid to text them and ask if they want to meet me, because we have not talked in months (or we meet each other only in a larger group of friends type of setting). like, heck do i know, maybe they also sometimes (doubt) think about me and wish to meet me but are ALSO too afraid to text me?? i just do not know. maybe they are afraid of rejection? though i never reject anyone. there are at least 4 persons with whom i would really like to meet up but... should i reach out? yes/no? help?

Current Mood: tired
Current Music: antidote by swedish house mafia & knife party