| 10:27p |
ideology change
So I've been working out with Corby 5 nights a week.. at 24 hour fitness. The manager gave us a trial for two weeks, and it ends at the end of the month. We do a 10 minute cardio warm-up, and then spend the rest of 2 hours hitting the weights and machines, alternating upper and lower body days and concentrating on the heaviest weights for low reps (8-10) for size. I really like the way it feels. Seeing the huge guys there has inspired me again. Seeing guys stripping off layers of their clothes for summer has inspired me. Thinking about what I really want has inspired me. Really getting proactive at work and getting out and doing stuff every day has inspired me to go for what I want.I ushered in a new phase of my life the day that I decided I wanted to be a wireless industry expert; I did it again when I decided I wanted to be a makeup artist. Then last year I decided that I wanted to get my undergraduate degree, and that's starting this fall, while it's a considerably more gradual and long-term goal than before. I think this is the point where I decide the next phase of goals in my life, and those are an extension of the body image successes I've had in the last few years. I've learned about style, about hair, about skincare and makeup, I've lost almost a hundred pounds in bodyfat, I've found my personal style, I've discovered new levels of artistic and creative expression. Learned innumerable amounts of data, intricacies, styles, histories, trends, preferences, marketing, arts, idiologies. I've maintained the key well-roundedness despite several transitions in focus in my life. Next, I want to realize the destiny that I've had all along: I want to be a bodybuilder. Not so much a competitive one, but I want the body I've dreamed about. I want to be muscular. I'm ready to invest every ounce of energy I have, hours at the gym, sacrifices of foods and experiences that won't help my progress, and a sizable amount of money into the required assets (gym memberships, protein supplements, meal replacements, a healthy diet). I want so badly to have the body that I desire--it's probably my biggest goal outside of career-wise (which, truly, careers are more of an indirect path to happiness, so if anything it's BIGGER than my career goals). I'm not being arrogant when I say that intellectually I'm not challenged, but some things come natural to me. I love to read, I love being a geek, I love mastering everything I touch in life, I love my personality and consider it anything but a meathead's; my body, my physical presence, now that's more of a challenge for me.This is not just a significant change in path for my choices in the future (though what won't be affected are my current job, my pursuit of a degree in psychology, or my personality), it's also a minor change to my body image goals now. For the past few years I've been rationalizing that I should start small and see if I can master the science behind health, the specifics of dietary habits, even my own weight loss--I wanted to be more fit, to have a standard body, to make progress and take ownership of my own body. Do you know how many hours a week I read men's fitness magazines, bodybuilding magazines, surf the websites, learn about the exercises and supplements what I can? How much of my bookshelf is filled with personal fitness, weight loss, nutrition, and other books of a similar vein? A lot. This is a passion I've had for a long time, fitness, and I see it within my grasp. I haven't been working out for 6 months before this last week, and I feel those last 6 depressed, unemployed, lazy months have been the worst of my life. I don't want to go back there. I'm about 15lbs away from being the absolute lowest BMI for a healthy man at my height. That feels great. I don't want to be emaciated or supermodel-skinny. I might joke about it, like with this "thinspiration" icon (lulz), but that's not what I want. I want to grow as much as I can and maximize what I've got here for bone structure and motivation. There's no try here, I will be huge and have the body that I want. I will have to work hard and dedicate what may be several years, maybe a decade, or the rest of my life, including a part of my lifestyle (time, effort, money, choices), but it's going to be worth it to feel that satisfaction that comes from earning and building something just for myself.I know that not everyone will understand or support my goals, or lifestyle sacrifices, or even my training choices, but I'm never going to be able to shed this dream, and I don't plan on stopping myself until I get what I want. Sometimes I might need some encouragement, sometimes I might need a spotter, sometimes I might need my friends and family to understand that there's a huge reason behind the choices that I make, whether it's that I can't hang out when my workout partner is waiting for me or go out and eat nasty foods if I'm in a cutting cycle, and sometimes I might need some honest advice. I just hope that everyone reading this understands how important this is to me on so many levels that I continue my work on becoming who I want to become in the future and build something permanent and yet just for myself. I want this and I can already taste it. This change in exercise, lifestyle, and body ideology isn't something that I want to be met with negativity, because that's not welcome in my life. I support your dreams, and I hope you can support mine.So, anyway, to close, I'm going to throw some clothes in my gym bag and throw around some iron. I love being able to access my gym twenty-four hours a day! |