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Jul. 13th, 2013

Skumji..

Ehh, kaapeec zinaatnieki veeljoprojaam nav izgudrojushi laika mashiinu, lai speetu atgriezties vismaz septinjus gadus taalaa pagaatnee un savilktu visus punktus ieksh daudzpunkteem un ljaut liktenim izlabot kljuudas, nevis pasham melos sapiities un pazaudeet visu.
Driiz praataa sajukshu ar visiem sirdsapzinju paarmetumiem ciinoties.

2006...

Nov. 17th, 2012

25 To Life...

Sieva, meita un apkaarteejie kaiminji jautaa, kaapeec esmu taads "sadruumis" peekshnji!?!?
Ko man teikt? Ka esmu "ieslodziits" 4aas sienaas un pagalmaa?
Ka nevaru skype liist, un fb chatam jaabuut izsleegtam?
Bija man kkas kas aizpildiija lielu dalju ikdienas, tagad varu tikai cilaat svarus un izlikt dusmas un "staaveet klusu".
Mja, juutos kaa narkomaans kuram jaaiet caur lomkaam, jo kaads atnjeemis iespeeju lietot manu vieniigo narkotiku, VINJU.
Bet nu, tas ir tas ko dziivee esmu pelniijis, so be it. Prison where i'm sentenced 25 to life..

Nov. 10th, 2012

Fuck this shit! Sick and tired of it. Am i on the "edge"? I fucking hope so, would be about fucking time.

Oct. 31st, 2012

It was just a dream..

"And now I'm missing, wishing she'd pick up the phone
But she made the decision that she wanted to move on
Because I was wrong.."


Landing back into hell. Just this time without a friend aswell. "And then you expected me to change one day and LIVE life, you just took the last piece of that "LIFE" away. Hope your proud abt that decision.
Remmember all of the promises i've made, and sorry that some of them are about to be broken. And consequences i know. That's deffinatelly has changed in our lives, we're not teenagers anymore, even though i'm still as badly fcked in the head as i was before.

Question: Truthfull answer:


1. Relationship Status: WWII Battlefield
2. First Letter Of My Crushes Name?: L..
3. Am I The Jealous Type?: Not paticularly
4. Ex I Would Take Back?: Any..?
5. Last Time I Cried?: October 30th @ 9:30pm
6. Bestfriend ?: Liene
7. Person I tell everything to: Lienita
8. Zodiac Sign ?: Fish
9. Crushing On Someone?: Maybe
10. Addiction ?: Alcohol/Cigarettes
11. Eye Color: Grey/Green
12. Height: 185cms
13. Am I A Virgin: No way..
14. Am I Ugly: Personally I think I am, but there are some who disagree..
15. Favorite Holiday: Christmas, I love x-mass dinners with my whole family ♥
16. Last Fight: With wife 30th October
17. Birthday: 19/2/1985
18. Did I Ever Fall In Love?: Yes
19. Full Name: Casper Hipe
20. How Many Siblings: 3
21. First love: Ieva Upminja
22. Best memory: Switzerland, Lugano with first love
23. Worst moment of your life: I have several, but the worst by far, is being kicked out on the streets..
24. Favorite food/drink: Pork-Chop / Absinth
25. Last Drink I Had: VB 0.75 Beer. (longneck)
26. Last Time I Smoked: 5min ago
27. Ever skip class: yep tonnes of times, I wagged most of year 6 and 8
28. Ever fall for a friend: Yep
29. Ever get into a fist fight: All the time

Oct. 29th, 2012

Gotta love my sister: "Davai shkjiries, un meklee citu, vai skrien pakalj jau "zinaamaam" meiteneem..." - kaapeec man ir atruna ka nav jau tik vienkaarshi!? Un taas "zinaamaas meitenes" var uz roku pirkstiem saskaitiit.. Eh, skumji paliek taadas teemas cilaat, bet nu "kas jauns".
Nothing lasts forever..

Omg - I actually feel, uhm "happy/-ier", YEP!?
A bit wierd and relieved..YEP!?
Need to buy a survalance camera to put in my head, so i would know what is raising my dopamine levels in my brain.. :P (Apart from cigarettes and some beer)

P.S. Thank YOU very much my "special" angel, for this amazing evening. I wish i was allowed to hope for many many more such evenings..

Oct. 28th, 2012

Dzeram kaarteejo "Carbohydrate" "kokteili, kaa jau grafikaa ierakstiits. Pretiigs, bet nu labaaks par olu "milkshake" brokastiis.
Pirmaas dienas 2h trenazhieru programma arii nu jau ir pagaatne. Nav viegli, teikshu atklaati, bet soliijumus tureeshu "VISUS" kaa jau mineeju no 25.10.2012. Lai gan, jaa jeega iznaakumiem un sevis "atsvaidzinaashanai" nav, ja nu vieniigi, lai pashsajuutu uzlabotu, un dabuutu "boost of confidence". Skumja, klusa diena. Pasham savaa sulaa vaariities ir kaitiigi, bet kas cits atliek. Jaaiet uz priekshu, un jaacer ka "The End" nav tik taalu ka reizeem liekas. Mosh jaaiet kkas netaa palasiit. Have a nice day.. "Dont Worry, Be Happy.."

...Wow, nekad nebiju domaajis, ka ieksh google var atrast arii taadas lietas kaa: "How To Sell Your Soul To The Devil".. Pat uzgaaju vienu youtube video ar rituaalu, godiigi sakot tas vidjiks bija laba "horror movie" lol. Bet viss paarliecinoshaakais shkjita Dr. Rex Touth graamata tieshi par sho teemu (var atrast online) "How to Negotiate Unholy Contracts". Tad nu taa diivaini paliek iekshaa, heh moshka vismaz dalja patiesiibas shajos materiaalos ir, vismaz savaa zinjaa gribas tam ticeet, nez..!? Sounds like fun at least for the boredom.

"Beerna gados mamma neljaava rozetee pirkstus baazt - nu man ir jau 18 - varu saakt meegjinaat..." ;)

..............

[Rihanna]
I feel like I’m a hopeless romantic
I can’t help falling in love
I fiend for love
I want it, I crave it
I just can’t get enough

[Hook]
Take me away
I wear my heart on my sleeve
Always let love take the lead
I may be a little naive, yeah
You know I’m drunk on love
Drunk on love
Nothing can sober me up
It’s all that I need, yeah

[Rihanna]
I've been let down
But never been tainted
So I stay thirsty for more
No I won't hold back
No drop is wasted
I let love run its course

[Hook]
Take me away
I wear my heart on my sleeve
Always let love take the lead
I may be a little naive, yeah
You know I’m drunk on love
Drunk on love
Nothing can sober me up
You know I’m drunk on love
Drunk on love
Nothing can sober me up
It’s all that I need

[Bridge]
I'm so intoxicated
I love the way you taste
On my lips, when we kiss
You got me so addicted
So much I can't resist
Falling into your arms

[Hook]
Take me away
I wear my heart on my sleeve
Always let love take the lead
I may be a little naive, yeah
You know I’m drunk on love
Drunk on love
Nothing can sober me up
You know I’m drunk on love
Drunk on love
Nothing can sober me up

It’s all that I need...
It’s all that I need...
It’s all that I need...

P.S. I keep breaking my promise to MYSELF,to keep my emotions "under control", every day. But i cant stop feeling like this. NOONE has the antidote to that.

Oct. 27th, 2012

-----------------------Crossroads--------------------------

Taatad, oficiaali: ar 25. oktobri (2012. gada) TIEK paarvilkta trekna sviitra paari "Pagaanam", no more fckin LIES! Enough! (I'm for real yes) Neesmu piedzeeries arii. Dzeru patlaban kafiju, ja godiigi. Kauns par pagaatni. Goda vaards! Naakamais solis (ir doma) izdzeest 85% - 95% no Cibas poustu. Redzees vai pietiks drosmes "lasiit" to sviestu atkal, lai raadiitos "murgi". Bet nu doma ir, thats the first step, right!?
Nezinu, justies lepnam par shaadu soli dziivee..? Ja godiigi nez. Saapinaaju shodien maasu, cilveeku kursh ir vistuvaakais vienmeer bijis. Ar ko? Ar patiesiibu! Bet kas man cits atlika.. Muti nevareeju notureet.. Viss skrieshus skreeja aaraa. Bet nu, devu soliijumu vienam iipasham cilveekam, ka nemeloshu nekad vairs dziivee, lai kko "uzpuustu" lielaaku kaads tas patiesiibaa ir. Un par to varu tikai pateikt paldies, ka izvilki no manis visu shito patiesiibu. But, yep.. Truth hurts aswell.. Bet vismaz sirdsapzinja paliek tiiraaka ar katru patieso vaardu un mirkli, ko ne par kaadu cenu prom netaisos mest.
Gandriiz laiks sievai celties augshaa, par cik ir gandriiz 8:00am, tad nu laikam ieshu guleet, kaa nekaa guleetas aptuveni 4h - 5h, 56h periodaa. Bet ja godiigi? Fuck sleep, es nenozheeloju nevienu minuuti ko pavadiiju runaajot ar vienu iipashu cilveecinju UN protams manu maasu, laiks liekas skrien tik aatri, un vinjaam jaadodas ir tach pie savaam gjimeneem, bet paldies par taam stundaam/dienaam man ir uz zelta paplaates jaanes, un to es nekad neaizmirsiishu.

Tiksimies atkal skaipaa, faceb kad nu buus kaads briivaaks briidis, jo negribu kljuut par pieradumu/ieradumu "kaadam".



P.S. Man gribeetos oficiaali izteikt dziljaako piedoshanu arii tev Ievu.. Flaw.. Par visiem moku pilniem gadiem ko tavaa dziivee sabojaaju. Ceru ka ir tomeer arii kaads labs briidis atminjaa aizkjeeries, tad ja varu luugt no tevis atcereeties tos briizhus, un pacensties aizmirst tos sliktos briizhus/gadus kurus dien dienaa TEV meloju, gan par sevi, gan par visu paareejo. Ceru, ka reiz speesi man piedot..

P.P.S. Everyone who doesnt know what i'm talking about - Have a nice day, wherever you are, and remmember - there are angels in this world, and it even might be looking at you, right now as we speak.. Cheer up.

Oct. 26th, 2012

Confession..?

...Ja nebuutu cilveeku uz shitaas pasaules kam buutu jaaluudz piedoshanu, i'd be probably dead by now. So how aabout a small favor please, from ALL you out there, act that i'm forgiven even just for a short time, so i can get this over and done with, rid the world of just another pathetic weed like me. Man ir kauns par sevi! Kruts tiinis biju vai ne? Mhm, just in stories for everyones ears, thats all i was/am/and will be. Sorry for what, i've done/said and should off done, but didnt, because i was on a "constant run" from my NEVER ending lies and need "to be somebody" instead of just living that ordinary crap teenage life i had in the background. Why i did it? Good question, answer is held in everyone who wants to "look/be" somebody else (i hope for my sake that there is more such weeds like me in the world..). Everyone has their own dreams, i smashed them with all these lies, and now every day i live is just another pathetic challange to pull till the night and be able to close my eyes. Nevienam nenoveelu pieljaut dziivee taas pashas kljuudas ko pieljaavu es, tas ir vienkaarshi par daudz zemapzinjai, jo dziivot ar to naidu/saapeem visu muuzhu ir vairaak kaa tikai mokas..

I'm still the same nobody, but im trying to face my mistakes now on each and every step i make, day by day. NEVER i will be the same fuckturd again, never ever.. And you know what? I believe that all this still would off been inside me, my "huge secret" (kas mani pazina vairaak par dienu, tam taapat bija skaidrs agraak vai veelaak.), if it would'nt off been for HER, she made me regret and remmember all my mistakes, which just kept on chewing me inside.. SHE is the special person, to say thank you for pulling this "truth" out of me. Yes, i hate myself for what i've done and not just to HER, but to everyone else aswell. But most of all i'm ashamed of who i was or who i was pretending to be. It's done. From age of 15 till age of 25 my life was a big fat lie more or less.. Yep, you heard me. Dont be so shocked, please c'mon people. There was people who knew, what stands behind MOST of my big depression! Who guessed lies as the correct answer - wins. Inbox me bank acc., number and i'll transfer 10$. Whats interesting though, is that the 95% of the lies got delivered to wemen. I could punch guys in the face, but couldnt tell the truth to women. And here i am, typing a guide, "how to avoid lies".. Pathetic? I'd choose much more harsh words to describe, but oh well, maybe thos sort of details i'll keep to myself for now.

Paldies tev manu jaukum jauko enhgheliit ar radzinjiem, par pacietiibu un par tiem jaukajiem briizhiem, kuri beidzaas paaraak aatri. Vaardos gruuti izteikt, cik ljoti liela nozheela ir par visu kas bijis, un kaa speeju saapinaat tevi. Ja izlemsi paartraukt ar mani kontaktus, es sapratiishu, goda vaards, tas mani nepaarsteigtu. Vairs nekas nespeetu paarsteigt. Es buutu pelniijis daudz vairaak, kaa tikai dziivot ar sho vainas apzinju vienatnee, kuru manupraat es nekad nespeeshu izpirkt, as i said lifes too damn short.


...Time to take my 6kg best friend on a lead, and head to the pub. And again i'm asking for forgivness one last time.

Oct. 25th, 2012

Varbuut tomeer 2012 nebij tik slikts gads, un tikai baigi bremzeets saakums bij..? Aizvadiitas viennomiigi 2as labaakaas shii gada dienas.
Un luudzu luudzu paganjel nesabojaa to visu once more. (Someone once said to me: "Just let the stream take ya"

......

Mja, zinaaju ka agraak vai veelaak uzpeldeeshu atkal cibaa. Nez, maybe YOU're right. Who knows.
Zinu tikai vienu, ka naktis kaa vakar ir veerts neguleet. Even when consequences usually lead up to smthn lethal..
Kaapeec ir tik gruuti tevi aizmirst, pagaajushi gandriiz pieci gadi tak, nedz arii kas nopietns bija starp mums.. Maybe taapeec taa visa pagaatne saap, un ir tik gruuti visu aizmirst..? Diezvai reiz speeshu rast atbildi. Katru reizi kad sakontakteejamies, sajuutas ir ka celjotu atpakalj pagaatnee kad viss tachu bija tik labi.. Ja protams neskataas uz to pusi kuraa biju preteklis. Ir lietas kas manii mainiitas, palikushas "more serious", bet pagaatni ar tagadni veeljoprojaam nespeeju aizvietot. Ehh maybe tas ir praata aptumsums varbuut tik neguleeta nakts, bet sorry, paaraak daudz domas pa galvu lai buutu iespeeja aizveert acis. Skumji, paaris lietas ko vakar teici nespeeju dabuut aaraa no galvas. Nespeeju saprast kaa vareeju buut taads mulkjis un speeleeties ar tevi pagaatnee, ja patiesi biji manii "samiileejusies", goda vaards nebija pat mazaakaas nojausmas ka tavas juutas ir kas vairaak kaa ka tev patika pavadiit laiku ar mani, un ka biju vienkaarshi laika kaveeklis.. Ja buutu zinaajis ko zinu tagad, viss buutu varbuut beidzies/saacies savaadaak. Tas skumdina viss vairaak. Mja.. mulkjis biju ka aizmuku no Latvijas, varbut vienu dienu, viens atvadu vakars buutu ieildzis...

Bet man tachu jaabuut laimiigam, tagad vai ne!? Es tachu dziivoju savaa zinjaa vecha sapni. Preceeties, dabuut labu darbu, nauda nav probleema iisti ar, divas mashiinas, darba vajadziibaam un ikdienai, maaja ar peldbaseinu, auksts alus katru vakaru pie sateliit televiizijas. Tas tachu ir daudz vai ne? Ko veel vairaak vajag? Sex..? (maybe), Pasham savus beernus..? (ehh yeah) Love..? (i sort of thought i had it already?)
Ir vechi kas mani pat apskauzh, un nespeej iedomaaties, ka vienu dienu speetu celjot uz otru pasaules malu laimi mekleet. Bet tas mani "laimiigaaku" nedara.
Mja, vienu lietu par sevi laikam nespeeshu mainiit nekad, paaraak biezhi kautko nozheeloju. Zinu, bet ir veerts tur ko mainiit? Ahh, nop. Par vecu lai saaktu mekleet laimi.. Rushed everything, because i wanted to just get the hell away "from smthn", now i'm stuck here till the day i'll die. Varbuut vienu dienu man buus beerni ko apruupeet un miilleet, lai speetu aizmirst beidzot pagaatni, bet TAA diena liekas tik taalu, un nereaala.

I know that i'd need counceling or smthn. Kaads uz kura pleciem izlikt iekshas. Skjirties..? Ir domaats par to, bet vienmeer kkas "calms me down". Kam esmu vajadziigs? Darba deveejam? haha nu jaa, tas vieniigais kas mani nes uz rokaam. Ka jau vakar TU liki noprast/teici, Nor i have looks, nor decent past to look at.. Liktenis pie vainas? Nop pats vien esmu.

Paldies spindzeliit, par visu kas bijis, tev vienmeer buus iipasha vieta siirdii rezerveeta..
Pieci gadi.. pieci gadi, un veeljoprojaam juutas pret tevi taas pashas kas bija tad, miilu tevi, un nekas nespees to mainiit, dziive ir tam pieraadiijums. Suck it up, grow some balls, and live with it, right? Easier said then done.
Ehh pietiks spamot un chiiksteet like a fuckin broken record.

P.S. If you mannage to translate all of this, then try to remmember all of those times, when i tried talking to you about all of my heartaches, but you NEVER listened, instead got angry and just made another reason for "street fighter 2". I cant keep fighting aswell with myself. Sometimes i just need to drop some of the wieght off somewhere. And i aint cheating around like most men would. I'm with YOU, even though i'd maybe wish that i would of been with "someone" else instead right now. (meant for my sneaky wifey)

Feb. 18th, 2011

Regret..?

I've lied to you
The same way that I always do
This is the last smile
That I'll fake for the sake of being with you

Everything falls apart, even the people who never frown eventually break down
The sacrifice of hiding in a lie
Everything has to end, you'll soon find we're out of time left to watch it all unwind
The sacrifice is never knowing

Why I never walked away?
Why I played myself this way?
Now I see your testing me pushes me away!

How do you think I've lost so much?
I'm so afraid, I'm out of touch..
How do you expect I will know what to do?
When all I know is what you tell me to!

I've tried like you
To do everything you wanted too
This is the last time
I'll take the blame for the sake of being with you..

Jun. 10th, 2010

Mja..

Kad realitāte iesūkā.. Slēpjamies pagātnē..

Sep. 19th, 2009

Just Married..

Nu tad tā, beidzot arī Es esmu iestūrējis laulības ostā, lai cik jocīgi vai varbūt neticami tas izklausītos.
Ja kādam ir vēl jaut., kur es tā pazudies, tad nu vēl reizi var atkārtoties ka jau gandrīz gadu dzīvojos un strādājos pa Austrāliju, vot tā.. :P

Aug. 13th, 2009

Šaubas..

Mja, pēdējās divas dienas tādas padrūmas padevušās, daudz par ko domāt un lauzīt galvu, bet atbildes kurām vajadzētu būt vienkāršām - nav.
Itkā viss taču ir ok, un pat vairāk kā ok, bet viena saruna tik ļoti daudz ko spēj mainīt, tik daudz šaubu ieviest no kā atkarīga mana nākotne, un ne tikai mana laikam jau..
Nja, nez, kas ar mani notika, bet saruna ar "viņu" neliek mani mierā, grūti aptvert visu kas noticis pagātnē, un jo vairāk kas varēja būt..
Bet kāpēc es tā jūtos? Nav šaubu ka par to kas bijis vainas apziņa mani ilgi vajās, jo mīlēju viņu.. Bet tak tagad visam vajadzēja būt savādāk, tā ir pasena pagātne.. Vismaz tā gribu sev iestāstīt.. Pieļāvu daudz liktenīgu kļūdu, kārtējo reiz biju kretīns, un biju pelnījis to ko saņēmu, bet.. Viss varēja būt pavisam pretēji tam kas notika, viss bija manās rokās vērst par labu, bet kāpēc Es to nedarīju..? Kāpēc Es TAGAD to tik ļoti nožēloju un pārdzīvoju? Tā taču ir pagātne, itkā taču tiku tam pāri, gan arī pēdējai reizei kad kā draugi tikāmies, uzsāku jaunu dzīvi, tūkstošiem jūdžu prom no tā visa, no viņas, ir taču līgava, un nākotnes plāni, bet.. Kāpēc tagad te seko bet..? Ehh stulbas sajūtas, nezinu kas manī vēl ir palicies, ja viena saruna ar viņu, liek smadzenēs visu pārstrādāt un šaubīties, vai daru pareizi, ko jūtu utt.. Tač vislaik redzamā vietā bija "mūsu" foto, kāpēc tieši šādas sajūtas no šīs vienas sarunas..?
Nezinu ko iesākt, negribu vēl vairāk šim cilvēkam darīt pāri, kā reiz muļķis būdams to izdarīju.. Viena iekšējā balss saka ka labāk ir nozust kā jau vienmēr tādā veidā pasargājot viņu, bet otra balss to nevēlas, bet varbūt jārīkojas kā būtu pareizāk šajā situācijā un tikai paļauties uz nākotnes plāniem un ignorēt pagātni un mēģināt to visu atkal "piemirst" ehh, nez..


P.S. Mīļo radziņ eņģel, ja kkā uzduries šitam mesidžam, tad neņem lūdzu ļaunā un piedo ja vari..

Dec. 25th, 2008

Spams

"Draudzīgā kompānijā sagaidīsi Ziemassvētkus. Būs jātur sevi rāmjos, jo citi vērīgi sekos Tev līdzi. Īsti brīvi nejutīsies – kā divu kungu kalps." <--- Wtf? Kur mana kompānija? Rāmji? Sekos līdzi? Kkā esmu half-full un čota kompāniju neredz bļin, lai dzīvo tekilla un tjip tā krīze whatever

Dec. 23rd, 2008

Merry Crisis!

HO HO HO! Merry Fuckin' Crisis to eeeevery one..

Ar šampi tā pavairāk - jāgatavojas izlidošanai.

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