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Below are the 18 most recent journal entries recorded in
Clients From Hell's LiveJournal:
| Saturday, January 4th, 2014 | |
| 7:00 am | "Don’t worry too much about the presentation. I double-checked and we still have an hour before the. “Don’t worry too much about the presentation. I double-checked and we still have an hour before the meeting.” - sent via email |
| 10:00 am | Today I received a client’s logo.
As a screenshot.
Of a webpage.
In a PowerPoint. Today I received a client’s logo. As a screenshot. Of a webpage. In a PowerPoint. |
| Friday, January 3rd, 2014 | |
| 7:00 am | I was working with a client trying to setup a new cloud account.
Client: I don’t understand... I was working with a client trying to setup a new cloud account. Client: I don’t understand why we are setting up the Google. I just want to access my files. Me: Well, a Google Drive account will allow you to access your files. Client: But I don’t understand how the Google works! Me: When you make a file, you save it to your folder, and it will replicate to your cloud account automatically. Client: I don’t understand this. I am a law student and you’re using jargon with me. Explain it in terms I understand. Me: It takes your files from this folder and sends them to your cloud account. You don’t have to do anything at all. Client: But HOW does it do this? Explain it in one sentence. Me: It’s like it magically copies - Client: Magic, got it. |
| 10:00 am | Client: Use this logo for Dr. SoAndSo from Michigan State University’s listing.
Me: But... Client: Use this logo for Dr. SoAndSo from Michigan State University’s listing. Me: But that’s the University of Michigan’s logo, not Michigan State’s. Client: I like this one better, and nobody outside of Michigan will notice anyway. |
| Thursday, January 2nd, 2014 | |
| 8:30 am | "I need you to translate this magazine. You can just use Google Translate and proofread the text..." “I need you to translate this magazine. You can just use Google Translate and proofread the text afterwards, right?” |
| Wednesday, January 1st, 2014 | |
| 8:30 am | I ran out of room in a shared “transfer" folder on my Dropbox account because a client was... I ran out of room in a shared “transfer" folder on my Dropbox account because a client was dumping everything in there (and when I would remove files I told him I already had, he would re-add them), so when I told the client that my account was full and I could not receive any more files, the client told me that I needed to upgrade. I told the client that wasn’t an investment I was able to make right now (I have an impending wedding, of which he is already aware, and the last time I met with him, I had just come from shopping at Goodwill). Client: What?! It’s only like $100 for the whole year! Come on…. Me: Yes, and I am unable to make that investment at this time. Client: Really?! It’s not THAT much, just upgrade! Me: Unfortunately, I’m not able to right now. My other clients don’t use that much space, so I usually don’t need to pay for a larger account, and I can’t afford to pay for the upgrade for just one client. The only way I could do it would be if you would like to reimburse me for the cost; then I could upgrade but would have to bill you for it. But that’s up to you. Client: What?! You’ve got to be kidding me! I can’t believe you just asked me to do that. You can’t expect someone to just drop money like that. |
| Tuesday, December 31st, 2013 | |
| 8:30 am | After I had just finished building a WordPress website for a client, I get a text later in the... After I had just finished building a WordPress website for a client, I get a text later in the day: Client: I want to make a new website on VistaPrint. It doesn’t take too long and we can meet this week to discuss. Me: So you don’t want the website I just finished for you? Client: I don’t think so, but don’t do anything with it yet though. With VistaPrint, I pay $30 a month, and it puts my website on Google, Yahoo, Yellow pages, Chrome, Firefox, Gmail, all that! It only takes one hour to make, I looked into it! Plus, if I don’t pay you for that WordPress site, there’s even more savings. |
| Monday, December 30th, 2013 | |
| 8:30 am | Client: We want something that is easy to understand, like our logo.
Me: Yeah, I meant to ask you... Client: We want something that is easy to understand, like our logo. Me: Yeah, I meant to ask you about that. I’m sorry, but what exactly is your logo? It is hard to make out anything more than the stick figure and a square. Client: Oh! First, there’s a person, because we are person-centered. The hands of the person are clasped in the upper right. At least, the person’s hand is there, with another person you can’t really see. Those hands also kind of make the shape of a tree, representing growth. And of that all overlays the square, which symbolizes a rudder of a ship, which represents ourselves as a sacred vessel, where people can safely navigate their journey through our field. |
| Sunday, December 29th, 2013 | |
| 8:30 am | "I was looking at the proofs and – sorry, hold on, I’m on the crapper and I can’t hold the proofs an “I was looking at the proofs and – sorry, hold on, I’m on the crapper and I can’t hold the proofs and the phone at the same time.” |
| Saturday, December 28th, 2013 | |
| 8:30 am | Client: I want a new logo for my new international private school.
Me: What did you have in... Client: I want a new logo for my new international private school. Me: What did you have in mind? Client: Well I like blue circles. Can we use the blue circle from the old logo? Me: Sure, it could represent the world. Client: No. I want the blue circle to represent the sun. Me: But the sun is better represented in red or orange. Client: That’s okay. No one will know. |
| Friday, December 27th, 2013 | |
| 8:30 am | "We like the photo you found, and we understand that it’s Rights Managed. Can you find us the..." “We like the photo you found, and we understand that it’s Rights Managed. Can you find us the same photo, but Royalty Free?” |
| Thursday, December 26th, 2013 | |
| 8:30 am | Client: Hey, if we have a bunch of people’s email addresses can we just, like, mass email them Client: Hey, if we have a bunch of people’s email addresses can we just, like, mass email them from Outlook? Me: Yes, that’s possible. Client: Is there a term for that? Me: Spam. |
| Wednesday, December 25th, 2013 | |
| 8:30 am | The client requested a 10-minute video explaining the company’s new product and science behind that. The client requested a 10-minute video explaining the company’s new product and science behind that product. The video took about 3 weeks to complete, but before it was released, the client had us shoot another video of just him explaining what was about to be watched in the main video. The explanation of the explanation turned out longer than the video he contracted, and he refused any cuts. |
| Tuesday, December 24th, 2013 | |
| 8:30 am | I was hired to design a booklet.
Client: This is okay, but I want to see it in a simpler, bolder... I was hired to design a booklet. Client: This is okay, but I want to see it in a simpler, bolder font and without the gradient on the cover (in addition to a few other very specific changes). Me: No problem, I’ll send the revised files tomorrow. I send the revised files. Client: I don’t like this new version at all. Me: I’m sorry, I thought I implemented all your changes. What would you like to see instead? Client: You’re the designer. You should be creative and not take what I say so literally. You should push back if you think something else will work better. Me: (ggmmhrpphh) Okay, sure. I’ll send some new ideas over. I send over more versions. Client: I really don’t like this. You’re not listening. I don’t understand why you didn’t just do what I asked you to do the first time. |
| Monday, December 23rd, 2013 | |
| 8:30 am | I asked the client a series of intake questions to update a vinyl window treatment. (e.g. size,... I asked the client a series of intake questions to update a vinyl window treatment. (e.g. size, resources, etc.). His response: Client: I don’t know how big it is. No one with the key is free to go in and check the actual size. I think we have some assets for you to use, but we won’t be able to get them to you until next week. It’s fairly big, and it’s a window. Me: And when did you say you needed it? Client: Tomorrow would be ideal. |
| Sunday, December 22nd, 2013 | |
| 10:29 am | IT'S A FIRE(sale)
Gifts forged in eternal hell fire (as well as T-shirts) are now on sale! Want a coffee mug? A gorgeous letterpress poster? How about a stress ball to deal with all this rampant consumerism? It’s all 10% off for the remainder of the year.
The .gif personifying our excitement? That’s on the house. Please use the discount code “BADCLIENT” |
| 7:00 am | "Looking for something fresh. I would say smart fun, good colors, smooth, edgy-with-restraint,..." “Looking for something fresh. I would say smart fun, good colors, smooth, edgy-with-restraint, innovative but familiar, subdued classic with updated flair but not flash. Bold and outgoing. Nothing exaggerated but don’t be afraid to go over the top.” |
| 10:00 am | Me: Here’s the layout.
Client: Okay. There’s a problem with the boy’s curly... Me: Here’s the layout. Client: Okay. There’s a problem with the boy’s curly hair. Me: Could you be more specific? Client: I don’t think curly hair is well associated with dental care. |
