07:18 am
M. ir putna sirds. viņam ir kaijas sirds. un es visu sabojāju. atkal.
RCB mani lutina. iesāku lasīt Paul Lynch "Prophet Song". liekas, ka neviens to pirms manis nav šķirstījis.
"Watching the darkening garden and the wish to be at one with this darkness, to step outside and lie down with it, to lie with the fallen leaves and let the night pass over, to wake then with the dawn and rise renewed with the morning come".
kas šis ir? kāpēc es to tik ļoti pazīstu, esmu jau reiz bijusi šajā teikumā notverta?
I’m so fucking tired of going in circles.
09:32 am
"Building and Earthquake"
How easy it is for a dream to construct both building and earthquake.
Also the nine flights of wooden stairs in the dark,
and the trembling horse, its hard breathing
loud in the sudden after-silence and starlight.
This time the dream allows the building to stand.
Something it takes the dreamer a long time to notice,
who thought that the fear was the meaning
when being able to feel the fear was the meaning.
- Jane Hirshfield
/dažreiz es domāju, ka man varbūt vajadzētu pieteikties pārgājienam vai kaut kam tādam, lai vienīgie vārdi, ko skaļi pasaku pirms atgriešanās pie klusuma, nav tikai "man, lūdzu, kapučino"... bet tie pārsvarā ir maksas pārgājieni un man liekas - par ko es maksāšu? tas nav godīgi, ka man jāmaksā, lai es skaļi varētu kaut ko kādam pateikt (un pēc tam visticamāk pateikto nožēlot). tā nu es turpinu būt uzticīga klusumam (klaigājot šeit).
// God knows I tried.