The Top Signs Your Lawyer is a Spy
- Every time the judge says "Order," he stands up and says "Dry vodka martini, shaken, not stirred."
- He produces an entire dossier on the man who your wife is cheating with, yet you just came in to discuss drafting a living will.
- Briefcase contains briefs, pens, pencils, legal pads ... and a miniaturized rocket launcher.
- He requests the judge for a recess to inject the witness with sodium pentathol.
- He knows five ways kill a man with nothing but a yellow legal pad.
- Every time she walks in the courtroom, you hear the theme from "Goldfinger."
- Offers to play Baccarat with the judge to reduce your sentence.
- His legal pad has three categories of witnesses: "Prosecution," "Defense," and "Needs to be Liquidated."
- Your trial keeps getting postponed because he and the white-suited opposing counsel keep slipping bombs into each other's briefcases.
- Asks his aides to get him everything they can find on Polonium 210 v Putin.
- He mockingly attaches an "00" before the other four figures on your bill.
- He objects to all discovery on the basis of national security.
- To get to her office, you have to go to the third phone booth and call "SUE ME." When the floor drops, follow the tunnel. You could also walk through the front door of the building next to the phone booth, but this way's cooler.
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