Citāti no kinofilmām

12 стульев (мини-сериал, 1976)

Sat, 21 Dec 2013 07:52:37 GMT

— А вот здесь варим кашку для старушек.
— На машинном масле?
— Ну что вы! На чистом сливочном! Кредиты, конечно, отпускают в недостаточном количестве... Но старушки кушают! И с большим удовольствием!
(И.Ильф, Е.Петров. «Двенадцать стульев»)
12 стульев

My Dinner with Andre (1981)

Sun, 23 Dec 2012 14:12:12 GMT

Andre Gregory to Wally Shawn: We're bored. We're all bored now. But has it ever occurred to you, Wally, that the process that creates this boredom that we see in the world now, may very well be a self perpetuating, unconscious form of brainwashing created by a world totalitarian government based on money and that all of this is much more dangerous than one thinks, and its not just a question of individual survival, Wally, but that somebody who's bored is asleep, and somebody who's asleep will not say no?

My Dinner with Andre - video

My Dinner with Andre - info

Курьер (1986)

Tue, 30 Oct 2012 21:24:25 GMT

— Степан Афанасьевич, какое у вас самое заветное желание?
— Ну… Чтобы в Московской области атмосферное давление не падало ниже 740 градусов.
— Это еще зачем?
— Рыба лучше клюёт.
— А вот я бы загадала желание, чтобы выйти замуж за японца.
— Почему за японца-то?
— У них технология самая передовая.
— А ты, Вань?
— А я мечтаю, чтоб коммунизм на всей земле победил.

Padomju sapnis 1 (video)

- Я хочу сказать, о чем я мечтаю! Я мечтаю быть очень красивой, чтобы нравиться всем мужчинам, и еще я хочу ехать в красивой спортивной машине, чтобы на мне был длинный алый шарф, а на сиденье рядом — магнитофон и маленькая собачка. Это честно.

Padomju sapnis 2 (video)

Kurjers (1986) - info

Эй, ты, птичка...

Sat, 06 Oct 2012 18:57:45 GMT

– Э-э-э-э-эй, я же сказал полетели, а не побежали. Ты что, летать разучился?

– Я и не умел.

Крылья, ноги и хвосты

Sun, 12 Feb 2012 20:49:54 GMT

Louise: So what happened, were you bored in Manchester?
Johnny: Was I bored? No, I wasn't fuckin' bored. I'm never bored. That's the trouble with everybody - you're all so bored. You've had nature explained to you and you're bored with it, you've had the living body explained to you and you're bored with it, you've had the universe explained to you and you're bored with it, so now you want cheap thrills and, like, plenty of them, and it doesn't matter how tawdry or vacuous they are as long as it's new as long as it's new as long as it flashes and fuckin' bleeps in forty fuckin' different colors. So whatever else you can say about me, I'm not fuckin' bored.

Louise: What are you doing here? You look like shit.
Johnny: I'm just tryin' to blend in with the surroundings.

Sun, 25 Sep 2011 11:35:16 GMT

Rémy: We've been everything: separatists, supporters of independantists, sovereignists, sovereignity-associanists...
Pierre: At first, we were existentialists.
Dominique: We read Sartre and Camus.
Claude: Then Fanon, we became anti-colonialists.
Rémy: We read Marcuse and became Marxists.
Pierre: Marxist-Leninists.
Alessandro: Trotskyists.
Diane: Maoists.
Rémy: After Solzhenitsyn we changed, we became structuralists.
Pierre: Situationists.
Dominique: Feminists.
Claude: Deconstructionists.
Pierre: Is there an -ism we haven't worshipped?
Claude: Cretinism.

Обыкновенное чудо

Sun, 04 Sep 2011 09:05:19 GMT

А кто нынче хорош?

Вот сегодня, например, вижу, летит бабочка.

Головка крошечная. Безмозглая.

Крылышками бяк-бяк-бяк. Ну, дура дурой.

Воробышек тоже не лучше.

Береза - тупица. Дуб - осел.

Речка - кретинка. Облака - идиоты.

Лошади - предатели.

Люди - мошенники.

А что делать? Весь мир таков, что стесняться нечего.

Песня Миронова

"Обыкновенное чудо"

Klāvs - Mārtiņa dēls (1970)

Wed, 06 Jul 2011 08:15:41 GMT

Kolhoza sapulce.

Klāvs: Un vispār - man ir taisnība!

Vecais kolhoznieks Beņuks: Tu sēdi vilcienā. Pa logu izskatās – telefona stabi skrien atpakaļ. Tāpat ar tavu taisnību. Tu saki – stabi kustas, mēs sakām – vagons kustas, bet zeme – zeme stāv uz vietas, es, es jūsiem teikšu, vot! Saproti, rakars.

Klāvs - Mārtiņa dēls (info)

Par taisnību - epizode no k/f Klāvs - Mārtiņa dēls (1970) (video)

Aveņu vīns (1984)

Sun, 05 Dec 2010 14:43:05 GMT

Majors Ģirts: Te tev īsta muiža. Tev droši vien Amerikā dzīvo kāda bagāta tante. Ja tu nebūtu man draugs, tu būtu man klients.

Haralds: Un vēl tur [Bulgārijā] dod kafiju, jā. Kad izdara iepirkumus, dod turku kafiju, smiltīs vārītu, ar 50 gramiem konjaka.
Majors Ģirts: Jūs sen tur bijāt?
Haralds: Nē, Bulgārijā es nekad neesmu bijis. Un Juri arī es neesmu noslepkavojis.

Irēna: Lai es svešā mājā gulētu ar kādu vienā gultā! Turklāt vēl ar vairākiem.
Majors Ģirts: Interesanti.
Irēna: Vai ne? Un vispār, es nevienu neredzēju un nevienu nesatiku.
Majors Ģirts: Žēl. Ļoti žēl.
Irēna: Kāpēc?
Majors Ģirts: Tāpēc, ka Jums nav alibi.
Irēna (paskatās spogulī): Kas man nav?
Majors Ģirts: Jums nav alibi. Pirmkārt. Un otrkārt, Irēna. Nu kāda vella pēc Jūs smēķējat?
Irēna: Man ir gan alibi. Un tieši tāpēc. Kad es biju tukšajā istabā, es redzēju kaut ko tādu...

Haralds: Vai tad Jums pašam tā nekad nav gadījies - nokniebties pa kreisi?
Majors Ģirts: Klausies tu... Ko tu vispār lien citu dzīvē? Norauties gribas, ko?

Irēna: Viņš [Juris] man saka - "Ja tu zinātu, cik man ir šausmīgi sūdīgi."

Alberts: Jā, mēs sastrīdējamies. Pie tam pamatīgi.
Majors Ģirts: Par ko?
Alberts: Par silīcija karbīda monokristāliskās plēves iegūšanas iespējām augstvakuuma uzpilināšanas iekārtās inertu gāzu klātbūtnē. Skaidrs?
Majors Ģirts: Pat milicim skaidrs.

Vilis: Mani liekas, mani pagrūda. Man visu vakaru liekas, ka šajās mājās bez mums vēl kāds ir. Nu padomājiet pats. Trīs reizes rēja telefons. Trīs reizes zvanīja suns. Un vēl tie cimdi! Vasaras laikā cimdi! Te ir kāds svešs. Mani pagrūda!
Majors Ģirts: Klausies, Vili. Beidz te vienreiz dirsties.

Majors Ģirts: Ja kāds kādam nozog vienu sūdīgu naudas maciņu, par to saka - tas ir zaglis. Bet, ja cits diendienā apzog padomju valsti, par to saka - tas prot dzīvot! Diemžēl mēs pie tā baigi esam pieraduši.

Aveņu vīns (info)

Aveņu vīns (video)

How To Deal [2003]

Sat, 21 Aug 2010 13:11:47 GMT

- I think I like you too much already to actually go out with you.
- What kind of logic is that?
- It's logical logic. The quickest way to ruin a relationship with someone is to actually try and have a relationship with them.

Keinohrhasen [2007]

Sat, 14 Aug 2010 16:29:53 GMT

"Kein Typ auf der Welt kann dich glücklich machen, wenn du es nicht schon vorher bist. Du musst dich selber drum kümmern, dass du glücklich wirst. Es ist purer Egoismus, wenn du den ganzen Tag zu Hause frustriert rumsitzt und von jemand anderem erwartest, dass er dich permanent glücklich macht. Außerdem ist es doch normal dass man auch mal unglücklich ist. Ich laufe ja auch nicht den ganzen Tag rum und sag' - Hey, das Leben ist geil!"

Elizabethtown [2005]

Fri, 30 Jul 2010 21:10:08 GMT

- ... that's what they say.
- I've always wondered this. Who are "they"?
- You know, "them."
- "Them."
- The inimitable collective "them."
- And who says we're supposed to listen to them?
- They do!

**

"I'm impossible to forget, but I'm hard to remember."

**

О чем говорят мужчины

Sun, 02 May 2010 09:48:41 GMT

А вот взять вопрос «Зачем?». Когда я говорю ей: «Поехали ко мне», а она мне: «Зачем?», вот объясни, что я ей должен отвечать? Ведь у меня дома не боулинг, не кинотеатр. Если скажу: «Займемся раз-два любовью, мне точно будет хорошо, тебе — может быть, а дальше ты можешь остаться, но лучше, чтобы уехала». Она же точно не поедет, хотя прекрасно понимает, что мы едем именно за этим. И я говорю: «Поехали ко мне, у меня прекрасная коллекция лютневой музыки XVI века».

- Раньше мне родители что-то запрещали, сейчас — жена. Когда я уже повзрослею?

- Получается, взрослых нет! Есть постаревшие дети. Лысые, больные, седые… Мальчики и девочки…

- Кризис - это когда тебе ничего не хочется. И когда ты начинаешь хотеть чего-то хотеть.
- Это ладно. Вот когда тебе не хочется хотеть чего-то хотеть, вот это кризис.
- Это не кризис, это п...ц!

С какого-то времени появился вопрос «Зачем?»
Вот раньше тебе говорили: «Слушай, я с двумя девушками познакомился, у них квартира свободна в Отрадном, посидим, выпьем! Поехали!» Ты сразу ехал. Если бы тебя спросили «А зачем?», ты бы сказал: «Как, зачем? Ты че, дурак? Две девушки, отдельная квартира! Посидим, выпьем, ну?!"
А сейчас… тебе говорят «поехали», а ты думаешь: «Две какие-то девушки… левые. Квартира у них в ОТ-РАД-НОМ! Это ж ехать туда, пить с ними… потом то ли оставаться, то ли домой… завтра на работу. Зачем?!"

Вообще в женатом состоянии напрягает не то, что у тебя нет других женщин, а то, что нет этой возможности. Я, может быть, ею бы и не воспользовался, но возможность-то должна быть… Вот, например, запретили бы тебе есть вилкой. Причем в формулировке «никогда». «Никогда больше не будешь есть вилкой!» Да, казалось бы, и черт бы с ней, можно ложкой, палочками, руками… Но тебе сказали — нельзя, и сразу захотелось именно вилкой. И, главное, вот она — вилка, лежит. Много вилок. Открыл ящик — полно. Разные — длинные, короткие, трехзубые, двузубые, серебряные, мельхиоровые… Да тебе в таком состоянии даже и алюминиевая сгодилась бы… если у тебя уже три года не было ни одной вилки. Но нельзя. А буквально вчера еще было можно — бери любую вилку и пользуйся, и никому дела нет. А сейчас воспользовался — и все так головами качают: «Э-эх, что же ты, обещал же вилками не пользоваться…

Вот, например, если мужчине нравится женщина, он должен ее завоевать, а если женщине нравится мужчина, она… она же должна ему сдаться. То есть проиграть. Проигрывает, выигрывая. Мы играем в шашки. Они играют в поддавки… Кривая женская логика… Всегда у них так.

vai ir iespējams neskatīties filmu, kas sākas ar šādu textu?!

Sat, 01 May 2010 16:37:19 GMT

'My favorite children's book is about a little prince who came to earth from a distant asteroid. He meets a pilot, whose plane has crashed in a desert. The little prince teaches the pilot many things, but mainly about love. My father always told me I was like the little prince, but after I met Adam I realized I was the pilot all along.'

/from 'Adam' [2009]/

some more quotes:

- These are all pictures of stars and galaxies that have been traveling away from us for hundreds of millions or billions of years. But that's still nearby compared to most of the universe that we'll never see.
- Never?
- Well, things that move apart faster than light can't ever see one another because the light from one never catches up to the other. After the Big Bang the expansion of the universe slowed down. But then, after seven billion years for some reason it speeded up again and it's been speeding up ever since. Someday everything you see here will disappear forever. And eventually the night sky will be almost completely dark.

* * *

- Didn't anyone tell you and mom that only children are emotional retards spoilt, too trusting and unequipped to cope?

* * *

Closer [2004]

Mon, 19 Apr 2010 20:55:13 GMT

- Everybody wants to be happy.
- Depressives don't. They want to be unhappy to confirm they're depressed. If they were happy they couldn't be depressed anymore. They'd have to go out into the world and live. Which can be depressing.

* * *

It's a bunch of sad strangers photographed beautifully, and... all the glittering assholes who appreciate art say it's beautiful 'cause that's what they wanna see. But the people in the photos are sad, and alone... But the pictures make the world seem beautiful, so... the exhibition is reassuring which makes it a lie, and everyone loves a big fat lie.

* * *

nesmieklīga eksistenciāla komēdija "Naked" ar brīnišķo Dawid Thewlis galvenajā lomā

Sat, 03 Apr 2010 15:30:22 GMT

Louise: How did you get here?
Johnny: Well, basically, there was this little dot, right? And the dot went bang and the bang expanded. Energy formed into matter, matter cooled, matter lived, the amoeba to fish, to fish to fowl, to fowl to frog, to frog to mammal, the mammal to monkey, to monkey to man, amo amas amat, quid pro quo, memento mori, ad infinitum, sprinkle on a little bit of grated cheese and leave under the grill till Doomsday.

Johnny: [while reading the Bible] Fuckin' hell, why *hast* thou forsaken me? Bastard.

Brian: Would you like a mint?
Johnny: Is this a new policy? Ply the culprit with menthol?

Johnny: I used to be a werewolf, but I'm all right no-OOWWWWWWWWWW!

Brian [guard]: What are you doing here?
Johnny: Well, I was standing over *there*, but that didn't seem to be working out for me, so I moved over here, but this one isn't much better.

Louise: What are you doing here? You look like shit.
Johnny: I'm just tryin' to blend in with the surroundings.

Shutter Island [2010]

Sun, 14 Mar 2010 13:35:36 GMT

'And if I say that I'm not crazy - well, that hardly helps, does it? That's the Kafkaesque of it all. If you're not crazy, but people have told the world that you are.. well, then, all your protests to the contrary just underscore their point. [...] once you're declared insane, then anything you do is called part of that insanity. Your reasonable protests are called "denial". Ypur valid fears are called "paranoia". Your survival instincts are labeled "defense mechanisms". It's a no-win situation.'

* * *

'Forgive me, what does not provoke you? remarks, words, … and of course memories, dreams. Did you know that the word ‘trauma’ comes from the Greek for wound? And what is the German word for dream? ‘Traum. Albtraum.’ Wounds can create monsters. And you – you are wounded, Marshal.'

* * *

'Which would be worse, to live as a monster or to die as a good man?'

* * *

'- God's gift. The violence. When I came downstairs and saw a tree in my living room, it reached for me like a diving hand. God loves violence.
- I hadn't noticed.
- Sure you have. Why else would there be so much of it? It's in us, what we are - we wage war, we burn sacrifices, we pillage and plunder and tear at the flesh of our brothers. And why? Because God gave us violence to wage in his honor.'

[nav 1:1 ar filmu.. tos, kurus neiegaumēju precīzi - paņēmu no scenārija 1.ā varianta, bet doma vnlg saglabājas]

the horse`s mouth (1958)

Mon, 01 Mar 2010 12:07:56 GMT

Constable: Mr. Jimson?
Gulley Jimson: No. That's my first cousin, once removed, an artist who's always getting into trouble with the police. He just went up the road. Shall I call him back?
Constable: Have you just sent a telephone message of a threatening character to Mr. Hickson of Portland Place?
Gulley Jimson: I only said I'd burn his house down and cut his liver out.
Constable: Now he doesn't want to prosecute, but if you go on making a nuissance of yourself, well, he's gonna have to take steps.
Gulley Jimson: Would he rather I cut his liver out without phoning?
Constable: Now, come now, Mr. Jimson. Put yourself in his place.
Gulley Jimson: I wish I could. It's a very nice place.

Gulley Jimson: It could happen to anyone, dear. All the greatest artists got their squares wrong. Numbers were invented by Arabs who hate art.

Gulley Jimson: Go and do something sensible, like shooting yourself! But don't be an artist!

Gulley Jimson: yes, yes, i am an artist. and you are a very sweet kid. now go and get me some spirits [kamēr groopy-puika tiešām skrien pakaļ šmigai, GJ nosper viņa veļļuku un aizbrauc prom]

Inside I'm Dancing [2004]

Sun, 28 Feb 2010 18:27:16 GMT

Rory: Take a letter, Michael. To Dublin City Council. "Dear Sir or Madam. As wheelchair users with suicidal intentions, we must protest at a lack of facilities. None of the bridges are equipped with easy parapet access, thus curtailing the rights of the disabled to throw themselves in. Yours in disgust, Rory Gerard O'Shea and Michael Connolly."

Up in the Air [2009]

Wed, 24 Feb 2010 16:57:23 GMT

Alex: He broke up with you over text message?!
[... ]
Alex: What a weasely prick!
Ntalie: Yeah, but what does that make me? Someone who falls for a prick.
Alex: We all fall for them. Pricks are spontaneous, unpredictable and fun. And then we're surprised when they turn out to be pricks.

Father Ted

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 23:43:59 GMT

Father Ted: I know what's going on, Pat Mustard. There are some very hairy babies on Craggy Island, and I think you are the hairy baby-maker.
Pat Mustard: Oh, yeah? Well, I think that you would need proof if you were going to make that sort of an accusation. And I'm a very careful man, Father. A very careful man!
Father Ted: Except when it comes to taking precautions in the bedroom.
Pat Mustard: Ah, w-... you certainly wouldn't be advising the use of artificial contraception now, Father, would you?
Father Ted: Yes, I... well... if you're going to be... of course you will... JUST FECK OFF!

Father Ted: Dougal, you can't sit around here watching television all day - chewing gum for the eyes!
Father Dougal: Oh no thanks Ted, I've got these crisps, here.

Father Ted: That's the great thing about Catholicism - it's very vague and no-one knows what its really all about.

Mrs Doyle: What would you say to a cup father?
[offers him a cup of tea]
Father Jack Hackett: FECK OFF, CUP!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zSoHkadTAxc

Sat, 15 Aug 2009 19:27:00 GMT

food critic: you are slow for someone working in a fast lane?
chef: you are thin for someone who likes food.
(pause)
food critic (harshly): I don`t like food. I LOVE it. And if i don`t LOVE it, i DON`T SWALLOW!

Watchmen

Sun, 02 Aug 2009 13:47:56 GMT

Rorschach: [reading from journal] Rorschach's Journal. October 12th, 1985: Dog carcass in alley this morning, tire tread on burst stomach. This city is afraid of me. I have seen its true face. The streets are extended gutters and the gutters are full of blood and when the drains finally scab over, all the vermin will drown. The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout "Save us!"... and I'll whisper "no."

Dan Dreiberg: What happened to us? What happened to the American Dream?
Edward Blake: "What happened to the American Dream?" It came true! You're lookin' at it...

Osterman: In my opinion, the existence of life is a highly overrated phenomenon.

visgarākā nosaukuma filma, kas jelkad ir nominēta oskaram kā labākā filma

Thu, 16 Jul 2009 20:44:42 GMT

- Dr. Strangelove: Of course, the whole point of a Doomsday Machine is lost, if you *keep* it a *secret*! Why didn't you tell the world, EH?
- Ambassador de Sadesky: It was to be announced at the Party Congress on Monday. As you know, the Premier loves surprises.

***

- President Merkin Muffley: I will not go down in history as the greatest mass-murderer since Adolf Hitler.
- General "Buck" Turgidson: Perhaps it might be better, Mr. President, if you were more concerned with the American People than with your image in the history books.

***

- President Merkin Muffley: You mean people could actually stay down there for a hundred years?
- Dr. Strangelove: It would not be difficult, Mein Führer. Nuclear reactors could - heh, I'm sorry, Mr. President - nuclear reactors could provide power almost indefinitely.

***

[Strangelove's plan for post-nuclear war survival involves living underground with a 10:1 female-to-male ratio]
- General "Buck" Turgidson: Doctor, you mentioned the ratio of ten women to each man. Now, wouldn't that necessitate the abandonment of the so-called monogamous sexual relationship, I mean, as far as men were concerned?
- Dr. Strangelove: Regrettably, yes. But it is, you know, a sacrifice required for the future of the human race. I hasten to add that since each man will be required to do prodigious... service along these lines, the women will have to be selected for their sexual characteristics which will have to be of a highly stimulating nature.
- Ambassador de Sadesky: I must confess, you have an astonishingly good idea there, Doctor.

***

(Dr. Strangelove apparently suffers from agonistic apraxia (also known as "alien hand syndrome"), a real neurological affliction that can be caused by a stroke or other brain injury causing damage to the nerve fibers that connect the two brain hemispheres (the corpus callosum). Researchers at the University of Aberdeen who identified it named it Dr. Strangelove Syndrome. According to Professor Sergio Della Sala, the patients behave exactly like Dr. Strangelove: "...They slam their hand and shout 'My hand does things that I don't want it to do!'")

The Libertine (2004)

Wed, 08 Jul 2009 16:02:05 GMT

"But life is not a succession of urgent nows.
It is a listless trickle of Why should I's."